Ladies Night Out: I Don’t Like You, Because I Am Intimidated By You!

Ladies why do we hate each other so much? Can we all just get along? Ladies we always say how we don’t like other women for various reasons. Have you ever did some serious introspection and evaluated why you detest other women so? Well I am here to tell you our insecurities about ourselves play a big in how we view other women.

So today I was surprised when a woman I am acquainted with professionally approached me wanting to have a woman to woman talk. I was very apprehensive about the meeting. So we sat down and she was able to verbalize her issues with me. Now I don’t know if it was due to arrogance or naiveté so I figured since I am easygoing that no one should ever have a problem with me. Well my friends that was an incorrect assumption on my part.

The real issue was I was intimidated by her. I have always been intimidated by women with strong personalities. They are women that assert themselves well, they have a take no prisoner’s mentality, and they are self-motivating. Unfortunately, they are attributes that I lack, I am often passive-aggressive, I feel guilty asserting myself, and I fear success so I self-sabotage a lot versus motivating myself. In a nut shell there is more than enough room for improvement.

Now I am not writing this to hurt I am hoping to help. Many times our issues that we have with other women are issues we have not addressed within ourselves. To be vulnerable and admit this first to you is courageous but to be able to admit it to another woman is commendable. We are so afraid to be vulnerable because our emotions and are barren and naked and we fear rejection so much that will push away love and support from other women. Why can’t we say I admire and respect you and wish to be more like you? Versus gossiping and verbal attacking one another tearing down one another’s emotional state.

I used to have an acquaintance who used to verbal attack me every chance she had, because I allowed her to do this to me. I never called her on it and said you do not need to push off your insecurities on me I am here to help. I know your inner struggles and I want to help you overcome them. I am not your enemy I am your friend. Needless to say a friendship was lost.

It is often hard to say to ourselves I love you, and even more difficult for us women to say this to other women. We are hurting because we do not show one another love.  We would rather put on a “strong” façade of anger than be vulnerable and say sister I need you. When my acquaintance confronted me I realized as she spoke that she truly cared about our relationship and me. She wanted to clear the air; even if it meant being vulnerable and possibly being rejected she risked it because our relationship was worth it. I developed a greater respect for her, that she could be vulnerable. It made me feel more comfortable to say I am intimidated by you. I had to thank her and it made me do some serious introspection and do an inventory about how I was feeling. I realized that it was not anger but insecurity within me. Moving forward I can be more mindful of our interactions and check when I am being insecure or how to properly validate my feelings toward her and other women.





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