Just Because You Cannot Prove It, Doesn’t Mean It Didn’t Happen

I have been watching the news and this Bill Cosby case is not going away anytime soon. The court of public opinion is weighing in on the validity of the alleged victims story due to a tremendous time lapse between when they were allegedly assaulted and when they decided to come forward. I am here to tell you that that does not lessen the truth of a story.

I am speaking from personal experience. I was raped and I did not report it for three days. I was devastated that two people I knew took advantage of me when I could not fend for myself. They had their way with me when I was in an inebriated state and would have otherwise declined their advances. There was so much surrounding what happened that fateful night. I broke a lot of rules that made me less than proud of myself. I walked away from my drink thinking a friend was watching it only to come back to it and feel extremely groggy after sipping it. I told the Damon* to take me home.  Well, he took me home that night just not immediately. I will admit like I did to the police when I reported the rape that the intent that night BEFORE I felt groggy was to have sex with my male friend. You would think that would change the course of the night but this was an added incentive for all those involved.

Once I became groggy and felt fatigued the plan was to take me home. But he did not immediately, take me there. He took me to this house and I remember him helping me through the door. I remember bits and pieces. I remember someone having intercourse with me and then I tried to physically try to fight them off but I had no strength or energy. I was defenseless. I remember laying on my stomach and someone through a coat over my face. Damon never concealed his identity so I know it was him. Ahmad* the second, person put a coat over my face to conceal his identity.

At the time I had a boyfriend and he was verbally abusive so I did not dare speak of that night immediately. I had sex with my boyfriend anyway because I did not want to open that can of worms. I was ashamed that I was willing to cheat and felt this was my punishment for that thought of indiscretion. In the days leading up to me reporting being rape, my male friend called me incessantly and stop by my house unannounced twice. As did another mutual friend of ours. 72 hours later I picked up my clothes from that night got dressed and reported being raped. I was taken to the hospital and escorted by make officers. Not once did they ever think to call in a female officer. I was surrounded by men who did not hide the fact that they did not believe me at all. It was so bad the nurse at the hospital yelled at them for their insensitivity and put them out before doing my rape kit. It felt good to be alone with her even though in theory it was due to an awkward situation.

Finally, someone made me feel at ease amidst everything I was going through. Damon and Ahmad both denied any guilt and would years later implicate Sean but never admonished my accusation against Damon. Just because you cannot prove something happened does not mean it did not in fact occur. We repress traumatic events because we don’t want to believe they happened to us. We feel shame and guilt and don’t go report it right away.

Now I like you do not know if these women story is true or not. Reporting something immediately does not speak to its validity. Here my thing since we are so quick to judge put yourself in the shoes of the alleged victim would you like to be ostracized and criticized before the whole story is revealed.

Have you ever been traumatized and refuse to immediately report the incident? Did you ever report it? What made you come forward? Share your thoughts below.


*names changed


2 Comments Add yours

  1. sharepoetic says:

    what happened to you is a disgrace and i hope the perpetrators pay for their actions someday


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