6 Steps to Regaining Your Self-Worth


Last night I kept reflecting on two poems “Our Greatest Fear” by Marianne Williamson and “A Dream Deferred” by Langston Hughes. I was thinking about some things I have been going through and a particular conversation about selling myself short. I had been underselling myself, my talent, my work, just me in general across the board and I came back to the fact that “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” “It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us”. These are from the poem “Our Greatest Fear”.

We are doing ourselves a grave injustice devaluing our worth. We are greater than we can ever imagine. It is sad to see someone lose that is truly a winner. What you want and desire has to be stronger than that comfort of complacency we often lay in. Sure it is comfortable to do the regular routine when your passion requires odd hours and extreme dedication. We are a legacy in the making we do not want to be an example on our deathbed of a dream deferred. Langston Hughes asks the question what happens to a dream deferred. This question plagues me when I am ready to give up on myself. It plagues me because I know I am destined for greatness but I just have to push harder and stay motivated. At times I will have to rely on myself for inspiration. The night before last I had a dream that reflected on my life’s accomplishments and last night I keep thinking if how I have been selling myself short.

I recalled this morning when I was looking for a promotion and I kept getting rejected and could not figure out why. Finally, I asked the question directly to the powers that be and the answer the person gave shocked me. She said you are qualified but on your resume you are underselling yourself .I was stunned. I immediately revamped my resume and stay tuned because the best is yet to come. I said all that to say know your worth in life.

Self-worth is one of those valuable gems in life once you lose that you are on the brink of self-destruction. Once I regained self-worth back into my life it had a domino effect in all aspects of my life, whether it was family, romantic, or professional relationships. Settling could no longer be an option for me. Settling was getting me nowhere fast. Here are some tips to attaining your self-worth:

1.       Acknowledge your feelings. Admitting that you truly feel unworthy will liberate you and enable you to want more for yourself. It will also enable you to appreciate your true value later.

2.       Ask yourself how is that working for you? When my therapist said this to me I thought he was being condescending. But it is a great question how does not valuing yourself work for you? It doesn’t work out very well. Review your current situation and reflect on how is it working for you. When I feel unworthy I want to have a pity party and that just makes me feel more miserable. So get out of that funk quickly.

3.       Respect your feelings. You are worth it. Don’t just acknowledge it, respect it. We have such a great respect for the feelings of others but not our own. If someone you loved talk to you the way you talk to yourself how would you feel.

4.       Positive self-care. To reiterate an earlier point stop putting others feelings before you own. Take care of yourself. Use positive self-talk without judgment.

5.       Trust your gut. Follow you intuition, always. Many times we fear trusting what we feel deep inside because we are terrified of going against the grain. This fear keeps us from putting ourselves and our needs first. Especially those of those that have been through trauma we have been taught not to trust ourselves for we are often wrong. Re-direct that thought process.

6.       Know your worth. Know that you are valuable and worth it. Somewhere along the way we lost our sense of self and devalued who and what we are. Only you can stand in the way of greatness.

Remember playing small does not serve the world. The best way to serve the world is to know your worth. Know that you are capable and nothing is impossible for you. For the word impossible broken up is I’m possible. Never forget that and you will go further than you can ever imagine.

Do you struggle with self-worth? Do you dwell feelings of unworthiness? Where are these feelings coming from? Share your thoughts below.


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