image

Do you have any faith in yourself? Do you constantly doubt your capabilities and talents? Are you guilty of giving all your faith to God and reserving none for yourself? There has to be a balance. You have to have faith in yourself to do all things through Christ which strengthen you.  Not that mustard seed faith but bountiful faith.

As you may or may not know my mother passed away in November. It was a devastating loss and I struggled to get my bearings back. I took off a semester to get my head back in the game. In the midst of everything I received an incomplete grade for my Cinema class. I needed to satisfy that grade to continue on with school. I got in contact with my professor and he informed me that I needed to take the final for Cinema to get a letter grade. A week before finals I sat in with his class and reviewed all the material that would be on the final. I studied and remained focused for my upcoming exam. Exam day arrives and I am confident that I have properly reviewed the material. I take the exam and I left feeling like I passed. Well, about a week later I looked at my final grade and it said “F”. I was devastated all that hard work and I still failed. I succumbed to overwhelming emotions. I had a pity-party and decided dropping out of school was my only option. My sister informed me that I would be continuing school even if I had to take the course again. She was not giving up on me even though there was no semblance of faith on my end.

Immediately, I contact my advisor and tell her my terrible news. She tries to console me but I am beyond reason. I want to drop out. Finally, she asks me to copy and paste my unofficial transcript so we can see what other elective I can take to satisfy elective requirement. A few days later I do as she asked and saw something unusual my letter grade for cinema was a “C”. I thought I was misinformed so I checked again and it was again confirmed I received a “C”. Imagine my shock when I realized I looked at the wrong thing I mistook “F” for fall to mean a failing mark. Well before I could grasp what had happened my advisor called and put my professor on the phone and we talked for a while. He explained to me I need to have more confidence and faith in myself.

I have always struggled with confidence and faith. I have long confused confidence for arrogance. The only faith I have is in God. So I have always lacked these things in myself. Thankfully, another incident that occurred restored both. I love performing at open mic events. But when I perform have the hardest time getting my message across to the audience. My affect is off and my passion comes across very flat. It did not hit me until recently that I am not connected to my words or the passion I felt when I write my pieces. This open mic was actually a poetry slam. The top prize was $150.00 and studio time. I really wanted that prize. But I knew I would have to prove myself worthy. So I practiced till my voice hurt but even in practice my affect was still off. So when Saturday, the day of the poetry slam, came I practiced again and then I prayed before I performed my second piece that I would be able to tap into my emotion I felt when I wrote the piece.  When I performed I was flooded with emotion and my scores reflected that I nailed it. While it was a slam to others, it was a chance to prove myself to myself. I had it in me all along and I never once doubted myself. I went on to win 2nd place. I did not get the prize but I got so much more. That slam helped restore confidence and faith in myself.

Faith is the thing hope for not things that are seen. You have to believe that you can do anything you set your heart to do. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. It’s not a cliché, it’s the truth. When you are determined and have faith you can be more than a conqueror.

Are you or someone you know struggling with having faith within? Or are you someone that has more than enough faith in themselves? Share your thoughts below.