Mother May I Be Myself?


My daughter and I have always had a solid relationship. Our bond is impenetrable. No one or nothing can come in between what we have. I have worked daily for fifteen years to solidify our bond. Many feel that I am raising her in an unconventional way. And they are correct I am raising her the best way I know how since she there was not an instructional manual attach to her umbilical cord when I gave birth. I am fed up and it is time I make a post about it.

First of all, contrary to popular belief I believe that you must have some semblance of a friendship with your child to connect with them on all levels. They are never going to come at you if you just talk at them. I have learned so many things about my daughter by just talking to her daily. She has often revealed many surprising truths about her and me in these conversations. The purpose is to give her what I did not get emotionally from my relationship with my mother. I did not have a close relationship with my mother until I was well into adulthood and first discovering my own personal mental struggles.

Second, my situation is not orthodox I am a single mother raising my only daughter without her father’s input, time, or advisement. It is a sad social norm for some of us and we have to pray for guidance and hope we did right by our kids. Every decision good, bad, or indifferent I am making all on my own and praying I made a good one. I have decided that with my daughter I will talk to her whether I am happy with her or not. I will let her know verbally when I am pleased and when I am not. I don’t have to rule with an iron fist to make my presence known. I have wanted nothing but love and respect from her. I never wanted her to fear me.

Lastly, not all decisions I make are going to go over well with others. I allow my fifteen year old to indulge in her passions. People may feel my baby is too young for a lot of things that she’s into. But she is a good kid and I rarely have a problem out of her. She loves music so she plays the violin. She loves to create beautiful artwork using her face as a canvas and so I buy her makeup. She loves to capture a beautiful image so I brought her a camera to take photographs. I do all these things to foster her natural gifts. I have to provide the tools necessary to foster her natural talents and crafts. I want her to always say my mother is my number one supporter. No matter who else is or isn’t in her cheering section.

No I am not trying to be one of her girlfriends I am her mother and there is a major difference. I tell her what she needs to hear not what she wants to hear. I tell her how it is in life no matter how good, bad, or indifferent it is. I am very genuine and thoughtful with how I talk to her. I take care that she is in an awkward phase and transition in her life. She is confident yet I know some insecurity may still shroud her. She is very comfortable in her own skin, she’s beautiful and she knows it, just the way she is. She doesn’t need to make one feel inferior to express her evolutionary views.

I teach her to follow the beat of her own drum for it makes a distinct and indelible sound. I want her to be unapologetically her. A beautiful butterfly free to roam and explore her passions and may they lead her to greatness.

I don’t know what the future holds for us but I know that anything is possible for in the word impossible is the contraction I’m possible (borrowed from Terrance Stokes).

Are you raising your child or children in a way that many don’t agree with? Share your thoughts below.

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