Dear Kid Cudi,
Depression and anxiety are emotional attacks on the mind. It can take you all the way down. This morning Kid Cudi I read your cry for help. Many people battle with these two issues but they often battle it shrouded in shame and secrecy. I want to start off by commending you on both your courage and transparency.
I have been battling symptoms of depression and the anxiety it has brought on. I have been depressed and don’t really know why everything in my life is going well. I have two jobs where I am growing and developing so much. Financially I am in a great place. Spiritually I can truly say that I’ve been blessed. So why am I battling severe feelings of sadness and major anxiety?
I know I am anxious ending a relationship with a habitual cheater. I am afraid to be alone. I know I am an independent woman that can thrive on her own but it is more complacent for me to think the opposite. I am more comfortable not succeeding. As far as depression I have been out of therapy for months now and on and off my meds for a while now. Both help me to manage my bipolar symptoms.
I used to see a therapist regularly but I stopped seeing her and regularly taking my meds. I have moments where I think I don’t need either. I get tired of talking about what a mess I am. So I’d rather be lying in bed curled up and depressed all day accomplishing nothing. I get so depressed that I just want to be an underachiever and go against my overachiever ways.
I won’t write through it or fight it. I just let it be. It is at moments like these that I get lackadaisical about self-care. I won’t get dressed up or fix my hair up nice. I will lose the effort and will to look and do my best. There have been times where I just wanted to give up on myself completely. Moments like those are dangerous because that is when I ruminate on being gone and become part of the world of the nonliving.
Suicide is a strange bedfellow of those of us that battle with depression and anxiety. It’s all in your head is what others will say. Which will partly true it is a debilitating issue that requires immediate and compassionate attention. Your letter is a cry for help that must be taken seriously. There is no time for judgment and harsh criticism. Just because you are of a certain status does not make you impenetrable and immune to overwhelming feelings of sadness and hopelessness. So as a society we should not pretend to know your story or even have a full grasp as to what is going on in your mind.
Depression and anxiety are very real and are merciless in their attacks. When we allow these feeling to run rampant we feed into its powerful ways. Like you we have to recognize the attack for what it is. In my case I am depressed because I’m afraid of being successful and I am battling feelings of unworthiness and insecurity. I am anxious about starting a new life without the man I thought was my soul mate. Yet I know life is full of change and being uncomfortable with that change.
Kid Cudi to you I want to say take all the time you need and be avid about learning about coping with these intense and intrusive emotions. Unfortunately, they come back around but the fact that you recognize when they show up means you are ready to battle them head on. Take all the time you need for yourself. Be willing to be vulnerable about what triggers these emotions. That will be the catalyst that changes the way you deal with these issues. The struggle is real but we have to be willing to fight it head on. Life is too precious to throw away for a temporary struggle. I am praying that you get through this in time.
Hopeful regards, Neisha