I cut my hair (again) over the weekend. I am very pleased with this cut but now I want to color it some more. When I originally cut my hair a few weeks ago it was out of pure impulse though I gave it much thought before doing it at all. I haven’t ever felt resentment for cutting it just wish I thought about how much work the upkeep is and that is what probably stopped me before. I am actually I relieved I cut it especially since I did not want to cut it partially because of what other people would think I lost my mind or I am going through a breakdown. I mean I have been feeling a little nutty lately and have been experiencing a lot of crying spells.
Cutting my hair has helped me let go of a lot. I let go of the idea I am to be perfect and accepted that I am perfectly flawed. I have let go of being someone’s fantasy girl and decided to embrace the reality of who I am and what I deserve.
I have been in a deep depression for over a month now. But I am using skills to help me come out of it. Depression can be debilitating if you allow it to take you all the way down. So yes part of me cutting my hair was me in crisis mode trying to gain some semblance of control over my life. Cutting off my crown and glory liberated me in a way that I never thought it would. A few years ago when I got my hair cut I did it for attention. Then, came the Big Chop in January 2013, I never took a pic because I had not embraced my curls, my beauty, or even myself yet. Being natural has been an interesting process where I feel more and more liberated as I let go of the standards of others. For so long I have done what I thought others deemed plausible and decent. When I do things for myself with anyone else’s consultation there is uproar. But this time I did it for myself. I did it because I have always wanted shorter hair and always thought a short cut would suit me. I am living by my OWN standard of beauty and I love the brand and skin I am in. Yes, I am happy. I have spent a lot of days and nights crying and sulking. Cutting my hair brought me an inner peace I feel so alive, sexy, and most of all fulfilled. Who knows what else I might do? That of course is between God and me for now.
I feel like I let go a lot of tension and stress when those scissors happily cut my mane. There is no turning back from this so I will enjoy the ride daily. I love who I see when I’m looking at me when I am looking past the mirror. Love her!
What have you done to bring tranquility and peace back into your life? Share your thoughts below.